America just surpassed 345 gazillion dollars in debt and someone very important far up in somewhere, says they saw “Green Shoots” within the economy and trade deficit with the world is at 12 trillion dollars a day and yes, all is fine and debt is a blessing. – Channels 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, ABC inc, and GOV. approves this news…

Just in, now for an important news flash…

Just in hot off the wire: Urgent security issues for Americans, due to China’s commerce is in jeopardy due to its massive trade surplus and they make too damn much money all because they really make stuff, all the while Russia faces an unsettling impossible to comprehend fiscal issue, because they have “no debt”…

Back to regular broadcast:

Now to Sam who is covering the urgent top story about a tree where a kitty cat has climbed too high and the zoo monkey, whom was asked to save the kitty has also refused to come back down from the tree. PETA is protesting and ask that if the cat and money want to get married? We should allow them to and supply financial assistance until they find better accommodations…

More news at 9 about, “Should we bomb China and Russia for making us look bad? And will the cat and monkey fall in love? at True News 9 pm…

WtR